In the off-season, I look for opportunities to visit old people or people who are stuck at home. I have the time and I like sitting around with people who have lived long lives and have lots of opinions, and often they really need the visits. Sometimes they already have full days of visitors (like Billy Stalcup who had eight children who came to see him often) and sometimes they have long, quiet days (like Mrs. Beall with her soap operas) and sometimes they are struggling with their health and their families appreciate the visits too. I have to be okay with knowing these people will die in the near future, or at least that they will continue to decline. It isn't really depressing or distressing, as long as they still like to be visited. My last visit with Mrs. Beall was sad because I don't think she knew who I was, really, even though I talked to her as if she remembered me.
Anyway, there is a new chapter unfolding in the visiting season. This time the people aren't old, but they are stuck at home. My mother and I just went to see our long ago worker Carrie, who married Al, a long ago worker from Cox Farms. They live far from here, so it takes planning to make a visit, but the trip was well worth it. Al is in bed because he has ALS and Carrie is his caregiver, day and night. It is a tough situation but they are pragmatic, steady, confronting everything head on, and not giving up. Al will of course continue to decline but in the meantime, they are living their lives together.
We didn't know exactly how we would be able to be helpful, but we thought there would be opportunities. Luckily it only took Carrie a few minutes to think of ways that we could make her life a little better -- without having to learn all the ins and outs of caring for Al. We were there to take care of Carrie, which takes much less training and is much less scary.
Her first request was that we see why the vacuum cleaner wasn't working because she hadn't been able to vacuum for a long time. They have three cats, they used to have a big furry dog in the house, she herself has long hair, and the house was in need of some suctioning. I am no mechanic but luckily the vacuum cleaner was a modern one, made of plastic and with lots of buttons to push to disassemble things. So I started to take it apart and find all the stuff that needed to be disentangled. Success. I vacuumed everywhere I could and it made us all feel better.
My mother broke down a hallway full of boxes that needed to be recycled, and packed them up in tidy piles for pickup. I cleaned out drawers that had been left to the mice/rats and since it wasn't my stuff I threw lots of detritus away. My mother gave Al a hand massage and melted him with a head massage too. I made a big pot of chicken soup and we all had lunch together. My mother and Carrie went on a quick march around their property, to observe the trees that had fallen and to see the state of the yard. Al used to take care of the outdoors before he couldn't anymore, and Carrie just needed to see it all.
This is such an unusual opportunity, to be able to go and help without feeling like we are imposing or making work for the family. I want to go again, and maybe someday I will be brave enough to learn to manage the machines that keep Al breathing and clear his chest. They have another friend who comes sometimes and does make it possible for Carrie to leave the house because she has learned to do all those life maintenance tasks. Carrie recently had to leave home for 24 hours when her father died, and this friend came to care for Al. For the most part, they are managing alone. There are visiting nurses who come to bathe Al and check on things and the insurance stuff is a nightmare. There are probably more services they could get but just figuring it all out is time consuming and complicated. Carrie also works full time on her computer, as a manager in a company that she has worked at for many years. She had three phone meetings while we were there. The whole thing is mind-boggling, really.
I don't have time to reflect on all of this now, but there is much to say. I am humbled by all of it. More later.
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