When I was a little kid, I was shy about speaking in front of groups. This lasted all the way through high school -- I remember one horribly painful episode when we were each supposed to speak about something that we were passionate about. I actually cried while I was up in front of the class, and these were my friends. These people liked me and knew me and I still was so nervous and upset that I couldn't even get through a three minute talk.
That experience scarred me for years. I decided I was just bad at public speaking and I would not subject myself to that again.
While I was in college, I volunteered at an elementary school, helping fourth graders with reading and other remedial topics. I never felt shy there since these people were about nine years old and I was about nineteen. When I worked as a temp in Boston, I had one great job where I was a school secretary and I felt entirely in my element, never anxious and never overwhelmed. When I was in my early 30's I became a public school substitute teacher in the winter. Again, no nervousness. Kids do not bring out the anxiety in me.
By some strange twist of fate, I ended up as a Hebrew teacher for fourth, fifth and sixth graders over a long span of ten years. I think this is when I really found my voice -- even though I barely knew Hebrew, I had no issues with handling a classroom full of mostly uninterested children. My comedic timing got honed as I tried to be entertaining while tricking them into learning to read prayers. I sang in front of those kids, by myself, all the time, and was never embarrassed. Somehow they had to learn the tunes and they had no judgment about my singing.
At the same time, I had a regular gig as a Board member at the synagogue and I was required to get up in front of the congregation on four Friday nights and four Saturday mornings every year. I could feel my heart pounding as the time came for me to get up in front of everyone and deliver my two minute packaged message. As the years went by, this task got less scary and by the time I finally graduated from lay leadership, I had given speeches in front of the whole congregation at Rosh Hashanah, two years in a row, and I did not implode.
Now I can speak at farmer conferences, as long as I know the topic well. I can always speak at meetings with farmers, even spontaneously, if I have opinions -- which I always do.
Recently, a fellow citizen activist and promoter of local foods sent out a request for farmers to come to an elementary school in Takoma Park and talk about farming. I said I would go. It has been a few years since I was in a fifth grade classroom, but that is my favorite age group. So smart but not yet smart alecks (by the middle of sixth grade they are incorrigible).
She started the program by talking about good food/bad food, no farms/no food etc. Then she turned it over to me. Because I could talk for an hour to any age group now about farming, I just find out while I am there what is going to come out of my mouth. I try to find a way to let them know how multi-talented farmers need to be. I let them try to get into a body position for planting or weeding something and then I tell them to keep at it for three hours. We taste radishes and turnips (ugh) and celeriac and beets (not so bad). And then the program leader guides the class through making beet hummus. After ten minutes, one of the kids notices that the room looks like a crime scene, with DIY blood all over the floor and all over their hands. Fifth graders are very funny. I tell them not to worry if their pee is pink later on. They think I am funny.
Schools teach kids about public speaking at a young age now, and that is a very good thing. It took me many years to get over my fear, and I was lucky to have so many classroom hours with non-scary children to help me. It was fifth graders who taught me to speak with confidence, and it is aging that lets me think I have something to say.
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