Months went by but there was no need to think or talk about it since we had a date and a time. Gradually various decisions were made and little by little the plan emerged. Sue offered to let us host at her house (which was the most perfect location ever) and Jon decided he wanted to cook all or most of the meal himself. Without asking his permission, I let a few close friends and relatives know about the event. I had to be careful about it because each time he got more anxious and grumpy as he imagined a party that was far beyond its original scope -- and he worried that having people travel from far away would raise the bar beyond our capabilities. I did not worry, of course.
He asked what we were going to DO at this party and I said that there would be no problem, we would have plenty to do. Later I figured out that it should be a very low-key opportunity for people to perform or say things to Jon on his birthday. The email invitation mentioned that people could write something if they wanted to, and I never sent a reminder (except to our children).
On Tuesday Jon did all the shopping, on Wednesday he made the parts of the meal that would not be hurt by sitting in the refrigerator for a few days. On Thursday we loaded our car to the ceiling with chafing dishes, coolers, food, supplies and drove to Lexington for a quiet dinner with Lilah and Dena.
We stayed with Sarah Newcomb and Jim. They are in the midst of the move of a lifetime, going to an assisted living community that they hope will be a reasonable place. It is a huge process, sifting and sorting and deciding. Too painful to think too deeply about, this move, but they are wise and pragmatic and they are going.
On Friday afternoon we went to Alissa's apartment to use her kitchen for the next stage of food preparation. A very nice kitchen, and we weren't in anyone's way. Dena came and helped us chop vegetables.
Friday night dinner was at Sarah and Jim's -- a transplanted Saturday night dinner from Virginia, with Alissa and Rebecca and Anna and Gordon. Anna and I made dinner and we sat around the kitchen table by candlelight, for what was probably our last dinner in that house. We mostly ignored that and had a lovely time.
Late that night, after dropping Alissa and Rebecca back in Cambridge, Jon locked the keys in the car along with all the food. Drat. We went to bed and decided to think about it in the morning. The next day he spent quite a while trying to break into our car without success and then Sarah called AAA and a nice man came and unlocked the car. No worries.
I picked up Betsy and Kenyon at the airport in the afternoon, delivered them to Anna and Gordon, and Jon and I loaded up the car one more time, heading off to do the last party preparations. This whole process was calm and drawn out, much more planned and strategic than usual. All the mistakes and glitches didn't really matter because we were never behind schedule. Jon had everything under control, and he even went and bought fresh cucumbers on Saturday morning because I disapproved of the condition of the cucumbers we had chopped on Friday afternoon. I disapproved of the tomatoes too, but did the best I could with over ripe store bought tomatoes. Jon and Dena did all the last cooking and we were ready on time. It was quite a spread: lots of delicious appetizers (roasted beet dip, hummus, tzatziki, eggplant dip, olives etc). Main course was chicken kabobs and fancy meatball kabobs that are called kibbeh in some cultures. Salad was the best fattoush that Jon has ever made.
Sue's house was sparkling clean and the perfect space for a party. The buffet fit perfectly on the counter, drinks fit on another counter and there were plenty of seats. The house filled up with nice people and the party was underway. We ate and we talked and we ate and talked some more. Eventually I interrupted all the conversations and said it was time for the entertainment portion (probably not what I said, but whatever), and I introduced all the people to each other, explaining how they are connected to Jon. This group was pretty special -- most of them have known Jon for most of their own lives, if not their whole lives. It was definitely a happy occasion. Sarita came from San Francisco just for about 48 hours, Steve came from Albuquerque, Dena from Denver, the small contingent from Virginia, Rebecca and Alissa and her roommates, and local friends who have known Jon since their youth, plus Lilah from a half a mile away.
Sarah N. started us off with a medley written for Jon, and we all got to sing You Are My Sunshine for the last part. People recited poems and limericks and said nice things about Jon, or about how they have known him and what that has meant to them. Betsy and Kenyon sang an elaborate rewrite of an anthem from Jesus Christ Superstar that made us all laugh. The last song was written by Benjamin and performed by Alissa and Rebecca, a rewrite of You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown. They delivered it beautifully. Jon was able to enjoy and absorb all of it and he appreciated that we did not torment him with a round of Happy Birthday, nor were their candles on the three layer German Chocolate cake that Rebecca had baked (it weighed many pounds and fed everyone). She also made a whole sheet pan full of raspberry cheesecake cupcakes -- we were too full to eat very much of that, but they were spectacular.
Since it was a party for a 60 year old, most of us were pretty old, and we were all ready to go home by about 9:30. We cleaned up and said goodbye at 10:00.
By all measures, it was a successful event. And the birthday boy himself, the curmudgeon for all time, said that it was heartwarming. And he said we will never do that again. Fortunately, he is not the boss of me.
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